i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
