you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
