i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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