If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
there's paper in my vomit.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Too much gin, very little bucket
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
