He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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