I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
