ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
