Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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