If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
