My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
