Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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