and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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