I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
