I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
