Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
