i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
