Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
