one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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