I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
