I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
