This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
