Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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