it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
