He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
