all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
