I think im going to throw up on grandma
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
