My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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