i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
