I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
