The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
