Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
