there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
