If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
