READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
