So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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