Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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