did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
