we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
