i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
