Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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