he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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