Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
