I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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