Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
