I want to stick my p in your. b.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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