24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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