So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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