Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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