Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
