i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
