I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
