I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
