I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sorry my hands just texted you
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
