Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
